Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
