Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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