things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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