everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
