We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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