If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
