take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
