Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
