so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
