i think my tv is drunk
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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