just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
