Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
