R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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