I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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