she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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