1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You pole danced in your parka.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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