I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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