On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
