our cab driver is having phone sex.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
