my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
