I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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