ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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