My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i believe in u and ur pee
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