Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
