The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
