The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
