This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
