Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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