2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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