I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
