Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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