I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
