he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
