my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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