I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
