so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
