I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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