I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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