Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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