I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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