I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
