i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
