Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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