you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
