Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
