Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
