I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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