I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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