Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
