wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
