im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
