Buhtt sex?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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