So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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